1. The houses are too expensive. Property speculators and developers have pushed anyone on an honest wage out of the market. People think that it is a case of demand outstripping supply, but no, we can't afford to concrete over the countryside just so someone can buy a house, keep it empty, then sell it for a profit six months later.
   
   
2. People here are really stupid. Only the Americans are more stupid than us. We are ignorant of what is going on under our noses, and international politics is way out of our league. People know nothing about the EU or the Middle East, or things which are effecting them directly, like global warming. People have no idea about globalization and what it means to them, the causes of poverty, or the foundations of terrorism. They are thick.
   
   
3. We don't have a free press. Unlike China our politicians are unable to directly control what it says in our newspapers and on our TVs, but that does not mean they are free. Instead the news agenda is lead by the high-circulation gutter press, who play off the ignorance of the UK majority. We end up with simplified news that allows our woeful politicians to be as incompetent as they like.
   
   
4. Parents are awful. No body in this country has the first idea how to bring up a child. Everyone hits, shouts, swears at, and worst of all ignores their toddlers. Not surprising they grow up to be thugs, criminals and chavs.
   
   
5. We are obsessed with celebrities. And I don't mean good celebrities, I don't mean people who have starred in the films which inspired us, wrote the music that defined our adolescence, or who have earnt their fame. We are obsessed by people who are of such little worth they merit no further mention.
   
   
6. We are all the same. Human cloning is alive and well and living in England. People in England tend to fall into a couple of very distinct categories. Girls all shop at just a handful of shops and wear pretty much identical clothes. Their hair is the same, so are their shoes. Boys are no better. The only difference is the Goths, who all look alike and behave just like the chavs they claim to despise: spitting on the floor and swearing a lot before pissing up against a cathedral or museum. God it is boring.
   
   
7. Our towns are all the same. The British high street is dead. Long live out-of-town shopping centres with ample car-parking. Long live Tesco and Topshop and Boots. Long live Europe's premier shopping street, Oxford Street, with its 90 branches of Starbucks. Forget anything individual or locally owned, forget our cultural heritage. Long live bland, corporate, consumerist rubbish!
   
   
8. We love America. It has high crime, high teenage pregnancy, high obesity, high wealth gap, high racial tension, high corporate corruption, high drug abuse, and high religious fanaticism. But the people who make it there are the richest in the world; therefor we must copy them!
   
   
9. We are fat. Ok, the USA is still the obesity capital, but we are fat, ugly, pasty and unfit. In comparison to every other European country, we come off second best.
   
   
10. We are insecure. Everything we do is to impress others and to try and look "cool". It is desperate, immature and pathetic.

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